Here at SWC, we believe in encouraging everyone to share their irrational fears and paranoid rants. Joining us today is Ryan, one of Nora’s old high-school chums. By the time you’re done reading, the zombie apocalypse is probably going to be well underway. Either that, or the Earth’ll be wiped out by an asteroid.
Let me first start off by saying I’m not crazy. Well, not lock me up in an asylum crazy, but normal functioning crazy. After having a long discussion with my friends, I wanted to share what really scares me. You can have your Freddy Krugers, Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. They are all good movies, but they never really frightened me. The only thing that scares me (in the movies and real life) are zombies.
If you think about it, it makes sense. A zombie walking down the street is an incarnation of what we all fear…our own mortality. I don’t care who you are–anyone who says that they are not afraid to die is lying. We all have a natural instinct to survive. Zombies are physical manifestation of death that is 180 degrees from something so ingrained in our being that even though you may not act scared, deep down you know you’re terrified.
Another factor involved here is the minuscule chance that it could happen. What if a meteor crashed to earth and all the dead started walking around eating people? Who’s to say that it can’t happen? I certainly don’t know everything that is possible in nature. Do you? Yeah, I’m talking to you, there, religious people.
There’s a famous line form the 1978 classic, George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead”. It goes, “When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.” Think about that Promise Keepers! If you want to believe that a giant invisible man watches over us and keeps us safe, then you must also believe in the bad–the demons, the zombies and all the fictional bad things. I’m not here to shit on anyone’s religion, I’m just saying that if you have one you must have the other. Yin and Yang. And let’s not forget all those stories of Haitian Voodoo rituals that raise the dead from the grave. I know they’re probably just stories, but there is a grain of truth in every story.
Finally, what better way for the human race to go out? Nuclear war? Nah…too quick. Asteroids?…No chance to fight for survival. Plague?…That’s not fun at all. No, If i had a choice, I’d choose zombie apocalypse. The survivors (those with a plan already–like me!) would band together and fight off the zombies. It would be awesome! Anyway, the next time you’re leaving a bar, walking down a dark lonely street and see someone walking towards you staggering around the sidewalk moaning, don’t assume it’s just a drunk. The zombie apocolypse may have already begun!
I remember a time when I thought zombies had risen and come for the brains of the living. I was terrified. There were all sorts of decrepit beings moaning and lumbering about.
Turned out I was just at a nursing home.
-M
I’m very sorry to hear about your aversion to shitting on someone’s religion. That is like my mission in life. Few things are more fun. Hopefully you will see the light someday and be saved. I’ll pray for you.